Coronavirus is a bitch. Let’s just put that out there. It’s really weird working at home “working” while still being a parent of two kiddos who run around the whole time. That said, I have had a tremendous amount of time to listen, and laugh, at some of the things our wonderful 4-year-old Mateo has said. I knew I had to start writing them down because he just says what’s on his mind. Here are some of the funniest things he’s said over the last week.

“Mom, did you know our doorbell says ‘nachos!’ when it rings? I think I want some nachos now.”

“I hear your phone buzzing. It must be a message or Amazon is here again for Mo.”

(Mo is his aunt Jennifer.)

“Jakey, stop putting your feet in my face or I’m gonna put my butt in your face!”

“Did you know I’m eating a sandwich like you do at work, Dad? But I really only like the insides. And chips. It’s too much bread. I don’t know how you do it.”

“Mo, did you know Jakey has sparkles on his eye? My eyes naturally sparkle when I look at people.”

“Dad! Stop tickling me! I’m trying to build stuff here. I need to practice so when I go back to school, I’m the best!”

“Did you just eat Chee-toes with chopsticks? That’s so cool!”

“I’m on a treasure hunt. But the rewards are only for good people. Dad, you got mad at me so I don’t think you get treasure.” Punk

“Mom! Jakey is farting in my sister’s bed! It’s gonna smell when she gets here!”

“Dinner theater is the best. I think we should watch movies and have dinner at the couch every day. I’m always a good boy so that’s why we should do it. Jakey should still sit at the table though. He makes a mess.”

“I’m sleeping now! Can you hear me snoring?”

Be safe everyone and stay home!